I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
