and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
