MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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