More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
