i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
