so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Alive.
So much puke
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
