I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize