I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
