just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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