i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
