Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
