You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
