someone threw a dead crab at me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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