You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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