the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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