just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
