i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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