guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
