A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
