Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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