If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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