Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
