That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
