She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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