So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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