Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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