so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
