And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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