Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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