if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
