Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
