I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
