you mean i was at the winter classic?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
