You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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