Everything about him screamed your future.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
