dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
