My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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