Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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