by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
