I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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