This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
