sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
