Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
