just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
