1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
