The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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