It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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