i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
