Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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