Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
