Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
