his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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