i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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