I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Let's paint friendship bongs
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
