When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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