I wanna bring you to show and tell
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
