If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
