it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
