In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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