He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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