I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
