he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
