If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
