I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She even gives head with a lisp.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
