God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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